Anxiety - noun.
A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome.
These days the anxiety that I’m suffering from is plaguing me with a crippling amount of fear. It’s giving me terrible stomach pains and nagging nightmares. It’s getting harder and harder for me to see the silver lining in things. I can’t seem to enjoy my usual hobbies and when I do enjoy myself for a moment it’s immediately followed by a sour twinge of guilt. Like I shouldn’t be enjoying myself, like I don’t deserve to relax.
It’s getting harder and harder to smile lately. I’m always positive for other people, but I’m pretty doom and gloom about myself. Someone please just tell me that everything will be okay. Tell me that even though I can’t find the motivation to leave my bedroom, everything will be alright. Even if it’s just empty words, it will be a glimmer of hope that I can try to cling on to.
All of my closest friends and family are currently too busy with their own problems to walk me through my neurotic fits. It’d be helpful if someone could just hold my hand… I feel so alone and empty right now. I hate it when I suddenly feel so dark and down. I’m not usually like this, but there aren’t many reasons for me to laugh or smile about these days.
I’m feeling restless and useless, like a wild animal stuck in a cage, unable to do anything other than pace around in circles. I want to go outside and bask in the sunlight, but when I do, I immediately crave the security of my own room. I want to hide from the world, but I feel like there is no real escape. I think I may eventually go insane being cooped up in here with nothing but my own erratic thoughts for company.
I’m trying to take it easy… I’m trying to let it all go, but my stomach is still twisted in painful knots. I need a distraction… I need something to take my mind off of things.